Archive for the 'corporate spin' Category

Spinspeak (Cutespeak Phyla) from the Corporate Cubicles

Wednesday, March 29th, 2006

The corporate spin machine:

seagull manager = an executive who flies in, makes a lot of noise, relieves himself on everything, and then leaves,

blamestorming = a meeting called to discuss why a project failed and who is at fault.

salmon day = a day spent swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

assmosis = a career success strategy based on sucking up to your boss as opposed to doing any work.

percussive maintenance = the common man technique of seeking to make a technological marvel work by kicking it.

404 = a person who is clueless, a designation derived from frustrating Internet error message “404 not found” meaning a requested document has been lost in the ether.

Coaching Industry Rivals Grief as Spin Producer

Wednesday, October 5th, 2005

The Business Coaching Industry may be a greater fount of newly-minted spinspeak than the Grief Counseling Industry.

As the headline on Jared Sandberg’s column “Cubicle Culture” in the Wall Street Journal (09-27-05) states: “Some Office Coaches Whitewash Miseries with Sunny Platitudes.” Some readers of the rest of the column might regard that statement as an understatement.

The target “beneficiaries” of Grief Industry practitioners are Life’s long-suffering victims of loss. The target beneficiaries of Coaching Industry practitioners are the Corporate World’s long-suffering losers.

“There are as many people calling themselves coaches today as there are actors waiting tables,” Sandberg reports. But whatever their background, the key talent clearly required involves two great attributes: You must be a “people person” and have a “winning attitude” that is unshakeable.

People person is bizchoolspeak for an unnatural, cheery and understanding approach to all mankind no matter how bedrock evil and/or smelly.

Winning attitude is gooeytalk for being able to express totally unfounded optimism in the teeth of unalloyed disaster.

At, a Coaching University with access to a “Coaching Well,” the goal is to produce “Practices of Excellence” coaches. PEC’s emerge equipped to help their clients combat, among other attitudinal ills, the dreaded curse of perceived disempowerment: coachspeak for a morbid condition involving loss of power through one’s behavior – presumably such activities as reporting a large loss for three consecutive quarters, daily consumption of six martinis at lunch or plotting against a really stupid but politically alert boss.

Obviously, the potential for spinspeak in this kind of growth industry is tremendous.